Knives and Pens
by FoREVer Nightwing
Summary: Kind of a sequel to "Breaking the Habit," inspired by "Knives and Pens" by the Black Veil Brides. T for cutting and mentions of suicide.


**A/N: This is a sequel (kinda) to _Breaking the Habit._ It's inspired by _Knives and Pens_ by the Black Veil Brides.**

* * *

**Knives and Pens**

It's been a year since my suicide attempt, and since then, I've felt that I've been getting better.

There have been times that I've wanted to cut. When balancing school, afterschool activities, the team, and patrols, it got to be a little overwhelming. With bullies and fights added on to that, it simply made my life hell.

Rather than reaching for my pocket knife (or worse), I went to talk with someone. Wally, Dinah, Bruce, anyone.

It felt good to talk with someone. Having someone there to listen and give some advice helped.

But, like all good things, it would come to an end.

* * *

It was that day. The day they died.

Since my suicide attempt, Bruce made sure he or someone from the team was there to keep an eye on me.

I knew that they cared for me. I knew that they only wanted to help me when they knew I needed it.

But sometimes, it's just not enough.

Since Bruce had an off-world mission with the Justice League (one he tried to get out of), he had me stay at Mount Justice.

The team never left me alone. They made sure at least one person was in the room with me until the day was over.

When the day finally ended, I allowed myself to cry.

The team had made sure I didn't have anything that I could use to cut myself… or, at least, that's what they thought.

I always kept a weapon stashed away in case there was an attack. In this case, it was a small pocketknife.

I opened it up and cut into my arm, in an area where nobody could see it.

* * *

I had promised myself that I wouldn't do it again after that. I kept remembering what happened over a year ago.

I almost took my life!

Bruce had a look of pure disappointment.

I lost some of my freedom.

Thinking about it all didn't help. I continued to cut.

I tried to get myself to stop it. I tried to remind myself that it would only lead to something worse than this.

I had to talk to someone.

* * *

Wally could tell something was wrong when I walked into his room. He just had that look on his face.

"What's up, man?" he asked, voice filled with concern.

"…Promise you won't tell Bruce, okay?" I said.

"So it's that big of a problem?" he asked, "How do you know if he knows it or not already?"

"I don't. If he does, then he would've talked to be about it."

I pull up the sleeve of my shirt and reveal several cuts. Wally's eyes widen almost immediately.

"Oh my god… you've started cutting again?"

I nodded.

"Why? Do you have any idea how bad this is for you?! Don't you remember what happened last time?!"

I nodded again.

"Why?"

"On the anniversary of their deaths, after you guys left me alone for the night... I lost it. God, I felt like shit… I felt like it was my fault they're gone. Instead of talking to someone, I just… I cut myself, and I couldn't stop."

A second later, Wally's arms are around me. I'm crying almost as hard as I did on the anniversary of my parents' deaths.

"Dick… you have to tell him." He said.

"But-"

"No buts. He needs to know. And if you won't tell him, I will."

* * *

When I told Bruce, I couldn't look him in the eye. I didn't want to see the disappointment on his face.

He didn't ask why, or what I was thinking. Instead, he just held me.

"I shouldn't have left… I should've refused to go. I'm so sorry, Dick." He said.

After having a long talk about it, he had Alfred make us some hot cocoa.

After that, he arranged for me to have a few therapy sessions with Black Canary, just in case.

This time, I found ways to distract me in case I ever did want to cut. Mainly, it was mechanical things, like fixing or upgrading the R-Cycle and the Batmobile.

Let's just hope it works.

* * *

**A/N: So... I have a muse... and it hates my guts... but it gives me ideas anyway. Perhaps I'll introduce him.**

**Anyway... feed it... he like cookies, but he'll take reviews anyway.**


End file.
